Hope On Fire
by Rhianna-Aurora
Summary: An accident unexpectedly gives Selphie Sorceress powers. In the days that follow, she sees herself destroying the world, and is warned that she must find her Knight in time. For Seifer, it is the beginning of his second chance. Postgame, SeiferxSelphie
1. Prologue

**A/N:** An idea I've been playing with for awhile. A very different kind of take on Sorceresses, Knights, where that magic comes from, and who is really in charge of it all. Enjoy!**  
Disclaimer:** I don't own FF8 or any of the characters or places mentioned in this fic. I'm not making any money from this, I just enjoy playing in Square's sandbox. :)

**_Prologue_**

The world is on fire, and that's all Selphie knows.

It's not a literal, fire-and-brimstone burning; at least, not as far as she can tell – not yet. But it's annihilation all the same.

Sis is dying. Her magic is destroying her from the inside out. Magic that they had all thought was just intrinsically _part_ of her. But too many experiments at the hands of a madman and too much time spent in _other_ times, other places – including a world that never existed at all – and her magic is changed. It's _wrong_ now; it's eating away Ellone's mind, and soon, it will start on her body.

Rinoa and Edea are with her now, both preparing to take as much magic as they can from Ellone, in the hopes that it will morph once inside them, as Sorceress magic is wont to do. It's risky, and both Squall and Cid are firmly against it – but it is Sis' last chance. Her _only_ chance.

Ellone doesn't cry or scream; that's not her way. This magic is no longer for her, and she knows that. If she doesn't let it go – if it doesn't let _her_ go – she will go mad, and it will eventually kill her.

Rinoa and Edea are chanting over her; Squall and Cid are steadying them, tethering them to the World.

The rest of them must keep busy; they can't be around to distract the others. Selphie is fine with this – she can't even bear to go near the infirmary right now. There is too much _real_ magic crackling in the air, interacting with her own magic – magic that is different than drawn magic because it really _is_ part of her – making her nauseous and weak in the knees.

She's in the library, playing cards with Zell. Irvine and Quistis are talking quietly off to her right, as they do so often these days. It makes Selphie smile to watch them, in the tentative, early stages of … well, whatever it is they're doing.

As she focuses on her next move in the card game, she feels something inside her change. She ignores it at first, thinking it must be all the tension of the past few days combined with the excess magic in the air causing her to feel so odd. It isn't too worrisome, a mildly annoying burning behind her left eye, and she thinks it's probably just an eyelash in her eye or something.

She blinks rapidly a few times, hoping to dislodge whatever it is, and the feeling subsides. "Are you all right?" Zell asks, looking at her quizzically.

She nods. "Yeah, I think I just had an eyelash in my eye or something. It's gone now, though!" She flashes him a grin and turns her attention back to her cards.

It is then that something within in her bursts, and she can no longer stay upright. She hears a shout from the infirmary, and has a flash in her mind of Ellone sitting straight up in her cot.

As quickly as it came, the image of Sis is gone, and Selphie's mind feels like a void. She can't even remember where she is, or what she was doing. She's doubled over on the floor of the library, and all the contents of her stomach are coming up, and she can't even find it in herself to care because it _hurts_, oh Hyne it _hurts so much_. She hears a bone-shattering scream coming from somewhere, and soon she realizes that it's coming from _her_, as an intense pain rips through her very core. The world around disappears and all she can see before her are swirls in shades of ochre, crimson, and black.

Fire, blood, and death.

Is this madness? As she continues to struggle to find any semblance of home, a foreign, yet all-too-familiar voice whispers through her mind. "Welkome home, Sister. Darkness suits you …"

The world is on fire, and that's all Selphie knows.


	2. Chapter One

**_Chapter One_**

It seems like days before the frenzy in her mind settles, but Irvine assures her it's been only minutes.

Edea is at her side now, cradling her like she did when she was small. Rinoa is holding onto Squall for dear life, unshed tears making her eyes glisten. "I'm so sorry, Selphie." She says it again and again, and Selphie doesn't understand why.

"Are you okay?" Edea asks, her voice cool and comforting, like always. It's something familiar to Selphie, and it helps steady her. She nods, but it hurts. She feels as though she's been ripped apart at the seams and then hastily stitched back together. In her mouth, she tastes the coppery tang of blood.

"What the hell happened?" Zell demands then, and Edea and Rinoa share a look of deep regret.

"We didn't even think," Edea begins. "I – _we_ – thought that the two of us would be able to contain and control it. But Ellone's magic never was like anything else. Add to that the fact that it's been manipulated, time and again, used for wrong so many times …"

Zell just shakes his head; Selphie can _feel_ the impatience radiating off him. It unsettles her greatly. "All that means _what_, exactly?" he asks.

"Basically, the magic has a … mind, I guess you'd say … of it's own," Rinoa explains. "And we suppose it didn't want any interference from _our_ magic. You see, every Sorceress' magic is different," she continues when she's met with blank stares. "Mine is healing, supportive. Edea's is geared more for the offensive, and she has an affinity for ice. And Ellone's …"

"Wait." Irvine holds up his hand to stop her then. "Ellone wasn't a Sorceress."

Cid shakes his head. "You're right, she wasn't. But the _potential_ was always there, within her. It could have manifested at any time." He shrugs. "Apparently, it started to, within Ellone, but because it had been twisted, it was killing her."

"Which brings us here," Edea adds quietly.

Selphie finds her voice then, but it feels like her throat is lined with razorblades when she speaks. "Is it going to kill _me_?"

"We don't know," Squall says, and Selphie appreciates his honesty.

"No, we don't," Rinoa says. "But we don't think it will. It won't manifest in you the same way it did in Ellone. It will change, dependent on _you_." She kneels before Selphie then. "Selphie, what do you _feel _right now?"

Normally, this would be an odd question, but Selphie understands. "Fire," she says hoarsely. "I feel fire." _Like the whole world is burning_ – but she doesn't dare say that part out loud. "Is that – okay?"

Rinoa smiles, and it's a real smile. That's encouraging. "Fire. That doesn't really surprise me a bit!" She laughs lightly.

Irvine is there then, holding her steady. His presence is comforting, familiar, like a favorite pair of worn-in shoes. He's been her best friend for the better part of her life – even when she couldn't remember him – and part of her wonders if that kind of bond is _enough_, should she need a Knight. They weren't Squall and Rinoa – they didn't have _that_ kind of bond – but truth be told, she'd choose him over all others.

"You should rest now," Edea tells her. "When you feel up to it, you can ask your questions. I know you have many."

Selphie just nods and allows Irvine to lead her from the room. She can still hear them talking in her mind, though, and she wonders how she's going to keep from going mad with all these voices in her head. Her mind is buzzing with thoughts – both hers and _theirs_ – and of course, the voices. And behind it all, like a looming spectre, is the vision of fire.

Once she's back in her room and the door is closed, she feels a bit more like herself again, though her strength is at next to nothing. All she can do is lie down on her bed. She remembers, vaguely, how Rinoa went into a coma shortly after receiving her powers. The way Selphie feels now, she thinks that she probably won't be awake much longer, herself. She wonders if it's some sort of rite for new Sorceresses.

She wonders how long she'll be out. Will she be insane by the time she wakes up? It's strange how detached she is from these thoughts. Like she's thinking them about a stranger, and not herself.

Her eyes close then, and her mind barely registers the sound of Irvine leaving the room. Before he's gone, though, she hears him speak.

_Don't worry, I've got you. I won't let you die. Stay with me, dammit, just … stay with me!_

At least, she _thinks_ it's Irvine. Who else would it be?

~/~

She wakes to find herself on a high plateau, overlooking the World. She can see everything from here … not that there is much to see. The land is barren, charred. The forests are all ablaze, and she can _feel _the fire crackling from her fingertips.

Did _she_ do this?

"You haven't done it yet." A voice … familiar and yet _not_. She turns quickly, looking for the owner.

"Who are you? What do you mean, I haven't done it yet?" she demands.

A chuckle. "I _mean_, there's still time to stop this. If you can find _me_, of course."

"_Who are you?_" Selphie practically screeches.

"Take a wild guess."

She dislikes the sneer in his voice. She feels the fire on the tips of her fingers again. If only she could _see_ the owner of this voice, she'd let him have it. "I don't _know_," she spits. "That's why I'm _asking_. Wouldn't it be in everyone's best interest if you'd just _tell me_?"

"Against the rules." A sigh. "Guess you're not ready yet. Hell, maybe it's me. Maybe _I'm_ not ready yet. It's okay. There's still time."

"I don't understand you!" Selphie cries. "I don't want to do … _this_." She motions at the world on fire. "Please, just _help_ me!"

"How 'bout a hint?" Suddenly the ground before her is ablaze, and she jumps back quickly. Once her initial shock wears off, she realizes that the fire isn't getting any closer, and that it is burning in a very distinct shape.

A cross.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

She's dying of thirst, and there's no water to be found. She's tired, and she's dirty, and she feels like she's been all over Hyne's creation in pursuit of this guy; the guy she's supposed to find -- the guy who prevents all this from happening.

And always, always, she's overlooking the same scorched landscape. She's been stuck in this dream -- it has to be a dream, right? She refuses to believe this is an actual portent of things to come. -- for what feels like days now. She's tired of it, and she's tired of the Mystery Man's stupid riddles. She's been chasing after him for so long now.

Now, though, it's different. Now, as she stops running, trying to catch her breath, and as she surveys the destruction -- _her_ destruction, apparently, according to Mr. Personality -- there's something else. A shape not too far ahead of her. The shape of a man.

"Heyyyy!" she calls out, jumping up and down, waving her arms. "Finally!" She takes off at a sprint, hoping to catch him before he can just disappear before her. She's tired of the mind games, and she's ready to just _wake up_ and continue with her regularly scheduled life. Maybe _he_ was the key to waking up from this prolonged nightmare.

"'Bout time," he calls back, but he doesn't move any closer.

Selphie tries to step forward, to go to him, but finds that she's blocked by some sort of invisible barrier. "What the …?"

"That's far enough," he says, and she can barely make out his -- jacket? -- flapping in the hot, dry wind.

"Why?" she asks, dangerously close to bursting into tears.

He chuckles, and she's not sure if he's laughing at her, or just laughing in general. Either way, it kind of pisses her off. "Because. You've come far enough. Gotta let _him_ do some of the work now."

"Him? Don't you mean _you_?" Selphie asks, petulance evident in her voice.

"Me? Nah, I'm just a sort-of messenger. Kinda like you. Hey, remember when we first met?"

"What do you mean? We _just _met."

"Not when you met _this _me, dimwit," he snaps. "Think back, real hard. It's going to be important, you know."

"Who _are _you?" Selphie demands. "And _who_ are you talking about?" His riddles are making her head spin, she can hardly stand it any longer. "I'm tired of this place. Why can't you just tell me what I need to know, so I can get outta here?"

"I'm disappointed in you." He makes a clucking sound. "I thought you'd have it figured out by now. It's all right though, I've given you enough to work with. Now you two idiots will just have to come to terms with this in the real world."

"So I've been chasing after you, all this time, and you're telling me that you're just some sort of _messenger_? You're not actually anyone important at all?" Selphie is at the end of her rope, and it's dangerously close to snapping now.

"Oh, I'm important, all right. Because if you know who _I _am, then you have your answer," he replies, and he takes a couple of steps toward her. "I _am_ who you seek, but I'm not actually him, get it?"

Selphie shakes her head. "_No_, I don't _get it_. You're saying that you … _look like_ … whoever it is I'm actually supposed to seek out, in the real world? Well, why can't I get a better look at you, then? And just who are you supposed to be to me, anyway?"

"You still don't get it, do you, girl?" He blows out a frustrated breath. "Honestly, who do you _think _is going to keep you from doing this?"

Selphie freezes and feels all the blood rush away from her face. "My Knight, right?" she squeaks. "You -- or whoever you're supposed to be -- _you're _my knight? I don't get to pick?"

"Not this time, nope. The magic has its own ideas for you. Ah, well, that's enough. Gotta go. And you need to wake up. Good luck, yeah? Hope you find me in time. Oh, and don't worry. I'll be home soon."

"Wait!" Selphie cries out, but it's too late.

Everything around her starts to fade away until she's left in inky darkness. Suddenly, as though she's surfacing after a dive in ice cold waters, she finds herself sitting up in her own bed at Balamb Garden, gasping for breath.

Rinoa is at her side in an instant. "Selphie!" she cries. "Oh, thank goodness, you're awake."

"Rin?" Selphie asks, her eyes slowly focusing on her surroundings. "How … long?"

"A week," Rinoa tells her. "How do you feel?"

Selphie reaches up and brushes the hair out of her eyes. "Confused … a little scared. I --"

"It's okay," Rinoa says gently, putting her arms about Selphie's shoulders. "It's okay to not have any answers right now. The important thing is that you're back with us."

"Right, I'm back." Selphie looks out the window above her desk, across the room. _But what happens next?_

_Don't worry. I'll be home soon._

The words ring in her mind. _Who_ will be home soon? And how will she even know?

~/~

She's in the library with Edea the next day when it happens. One second, she is skimming through a dusty old tome about the history of the Sorceress, with Edea explaining anything that doesn't make sense to her, and the next, she's dropped the book on the floor and is running down the hallway toward the lobby.

She hears Edea calling out to her, but she cannot -- _physically cannot_ -- make herself turn around. It's as though she's attached to a string, and some unseen force is pulling her along, and she's powerless to do anything about it.

She reaches the lobby just as he does, and for a long second, all she can do is stare at him, trying to make sense of what she's seeing and what she's feeling.

She knew it, deep down, as soon as he was back on Garden property … she _felt_ it. The pull of someone whose fate was intrinsically linked to hers. But she had no idea that it was going to be _him_. From the look in his eyes, she can tell he feels exactly the same way.

It's a long time before either of them speak. The vein in his forehead is about to pop and his nostrils are flaring in a decidedly unflattering manner, and Selphie can't take it any more.

"I knew you were here," is all she can think to say. He rolls his eyes, and for the first time, Selphie notices that they're green, like hers.

The angry expression never fades from his face. In an instant, Selphie can hear it all, every thought in his head. He's driven _hours -- _three full days and nights, non-stop -- from way up north, by Trabia, because he'd had some insane compulsion to get back to Garden. And for what? It's almost sickening, the level of distaste and disappointment she is feeling from him -- all directed towards _her_.

She shakes her head quickly, to get his thoughts out. "I think -- maybe we should talk?" she ventures cautiously. She reaches out to touch his shoulder, because she can't stop herself, but he jerks away quickly, as though she's burned him.

Selphie can _feel_ the waves of annoyance and anger vibrating off of him. "Fuck this," he says, and stalks off toward the dorms -- away from her.

Selphie decides it's probably best not to follow him right now. Maybe after he's rested, he'd be more open to discussion.

She leans up against the Garden directory and closes her eyes. She takes several deep breaths to try and steady herself. It doesn't help, and now she's quivering with her _own_ anger -- or is it _his_? She can't even tell right now.

Like so many other things in her life, she isn't even being given a _choice_. Magic she didn't want, a destiny she sure as hell wasn't prepared for, and the _one _person who was supposed to keep her safe and sane?

Well, he really and truly could care less whether she lived or died -- he'd already tried killing her once before. He'd destroyed her home. He'd remorselessly worked _for _their enemy.

He'd been _Ultimecia's_ Knight.

And now, he was supposed to be _hers_? Of all the people in the whole world? Of _course_. Why _wouldn't _the fate of the world rest in the hands of _Seifer Almasy_?

And yet, even though she knows all this, and it goes against everything she believes in … she can't seem to stop staring at the spot where he'd been standing just moments before.

_Fuck this_, indeed.


	4. Chapter Three

_**Chapter Three**_

In the days that follow, it's all Selphie can do to keep from going to him. He's around, he hasn't left yet -- that's _something_, isn't it? He hasn't run screaming from the place. Of course, maybe all that means is that he _can't_.

She hasn't mentioned her dreams to anyone, not even Edea. She feels like he should be the first to know, but she doesn't want to push anything upon him.

_He's had enough pushed on him already_.

For the first time, Selphie wonders about his time as Ultimecia's Knight, _really_ wonders. Had he … chosen that, truly? Or had it been chosen for him? Were all Knights chosen -- compelled beyond their will?

Was _Squall_ like that, as well?

Nobody else really understands why Seifer is back, and Selphie wants to keep it that way. But … she has questions, and she thinks that Rinoa might be able to answer them for her. Rin's situation was the most similar to her own.

"Selphie," Rinoa says brightly, as she opens the door to her room and ushers Selphie inside. "How are you feeling today?"

Selphie doesn't answer; she can't. She doesn't honestly know. Instead of wasting time with small talk, she dives right in. "When Squall became your Knight -- did you choose him? Or did the magic … I don't know, kinda do it for you?"

Rinoa's brow furrows then, and understanding dawns on her face. She looks at Selphie very seriously. "The magic -- it compels you. Both. Sorceress and Knight. The magic, it just knows, somehow. Edea told me it's destiny -- that Sorceress and Knight are soul mates, whether they know it or not." She smiles a little at that.

Selphie chews her bottom lip nervously, wondering how she can best phrase the next part of her query. "So … Seifer … is he Ultimecia's soul mate, then?"

"No. I don't believe that," Rinoa says firmly, shaking her head. She goes to the small refrigerator she keeps in her room and pulls out two cans of soda. She hands one to Selphie. "I never did. I asked Edea, much later, and she doesn't think so, either."

"So then …" Selphie is confused, and she hates this out-of-control feeling she's got now. She sinks down onto the edge of Rinoa's bed, trying to steady her breathing and her nerves.

"Ultimecia's magic was … so _different_, Selphie," Rinoa says. "She had the power to bend time and space to her command. It gave her almost absolute control over … everything. _Everything_, Selphie. Even … us, people. I don't think that Seifer was ever meant to be a Knight, not the same way that Squall and Cid were."

"But isn't it … I mean, don't I sort of _have_ Ultimecia's magic now?" Selphie asks.

"No, you have Ellone's magic. And yes, it was warped and twisted by Odine and by Ultimecia but, that doesn't _mean_ it's all bad. It will slowly and surely become your own, and whichever way you're meant to take it, you will. You had dreams, right? When you were … sleeping?"

Selphie just nods, not wanting to talk about them. "Did you?" she asks Rinoa.

Rinoa nods. "I dreamed about everything that ended up happening -- space, time compression, flower fields -- Squall. And everything came to pass." She smiles. "So see, it'll work out, in the end."

Selphie feels her stomach drop then. Rinoa dreamed about things that came to pass … would her _own_ dreams prove to be just as prophetic? "Did you know it was Squall, in your dreams?" she asks then.

Rinoa's eyes take on that dreamy look she gets when she's thinking about Squall, and Selphie quashes the urge to gag. "Yeah, I knew. I knew that I was going to do something bad, and that I'd be alone for awhile, but I knew that he'd find me. And he did! Not that it wasn't scary, though, floating out there in outer space. I did doubt it all, for a few minutes, I won't lie." She looks back at Selphie then. "Did you dream about your Knight?"

"I … I don't really know," Selphie says honestly. "He said he was, but I couldn't see him clearly. He said I'd find him soon … and I think I did, but … I don't think he's interested. What happens if the Knight denies the bond?"

"Adel. Ultimecia. It's basically a ticket to madness, from everything I've read and have come to understand," Rinoa says, her voice gentle. "Selphie, who _is_ it?"

Selphie just shakes her head. "I'm not ready … I don't want this! So why should I even have expected that he would? Especially since …" She trails off and stands up from her perch on the edge of Rinoa's bed.

"Selphie?"

"I gotta go, I'll talk to you later, Rin. Thanks, though, for, you know, everything," Selphie says as she hurries out of the room.

_Can't cry, not gonna cry, in the dream he said there was still time. I'm not going to burn the world to ashes, I'm not going to burn the world to ashes …_

_Burn the world to ashes, fire, everything lit up, pretty, pretty, no one can stop you, and you have all this power …_

"Are you _trying_ to kill me?"

Selphie feels herself being dragged from the dark pits of her mind at the sound of the voice, just a few feet away. Her hand feels hot, tingly, and there's a scorch mark on the wall in front of her, just inches away from where _he_ is standing now.

"Didn't even realize you _had_ that kinda fire power," he continues, and Selphie just stares. Had she … oh, she _had_. That voice in her brain, the one that _sounded_ like her but wasn't … it had made her do things. And if he hadn't stopped her …

"Oh," Selphie says weakly, and she feels herself falling as her knees buckle and give out. He catches her, but she senses that he doesn't know _why_ he's doing it. "Thank you," she breathes. "You stopped me from …"

"Don't," he says, and it is blunt, hard. She can see the flash in his eyes, and she feels his fear. "I'm not here to stop you from anything. I was just trying to keep my own ass from getting fried, you got that?"

Selphie's head drops against his chest as he holds her up -- _he hasn't let go yet, and it's helping, it's helping so much, the world is quiet around her now_ -- and she lets out a muffled scream into the lapel of his long duster.

He pushes her away forcefully, and takes several steps back. "I'm not fucking doing this again!" he shouts vehemently. "Just let me go, you crazy bitch!"

"Seifer, wait!" she calls, and she hates herself for it. Hates that she _needs_ him -- she doesn't want to need anybody.

"I mean it! _Let me go_. Whatever it is you're doing right now … stop it. Let me leave Garden." He is marching purposefully away from her now.

"I'm not _her_," Selphie growls, and he freezes and turns back to face her. "Please … can we talk?" Without meaning to, she sends a flash from one of her dreams to him, and he takes a few steps closer.

"Stop it," he tells her, but his voice isn't as certain now.

"I'm not doing anything," Selphie says helplessly. "The fact that you feel it too just means that Rinoa was right. This is real."

"No, this is fucking mind games, and I'm not doing it again."

Selphie holds her hands up. "Fair enough. I'm not Ultimecia, and I won't force you. But Seifer, you saw what just happened … what I just _did_. And you saw the dream. Will you at least _talk _to me, before running away?" She searches his face, and gets flashes of his mind, his thoughts. He's frantically going through his mental vault, all the stories he's read and heard about Sorceresses and Knights … he's looking for something.

Selphie realizes a moment too late what it is he's trying to find, and her eyes widen in fear. "Seifer, no, please … don't do that …" she says, but her voice is a mere whisper.

"_Absum_," he says coldly, and Selphie feels the flames engulfing her mind once again as she falls to her knees. In the ancient word that gave Knights their out-clause, he denied her.

"I'm not about to be Fate's bitch again," he says, and she watches him walk away through a veil of smoke and flame.


	5. Chapter Four

**I am so slow with these updates, I know. But here's the next chapter, yay! Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far. It means a lot to get even just a LITTLE feedback on a fic like this, with a not-so-popular pairing at the helm. I hope you all continue to enjoy this, because I really am loving writing it. :)**

_**Chapter Four**_

She knows she must be a sight, lying on the floor in the middle of one of Garden's busiest hallways, but she isn't able to make herself move for several minutes. There's a brief moment when the urge to engulf the place in flames flashes through her mind, but she is able to quell the thought -- for now, anyway.

Her eyesight still isn't right, though; she's seeing everything through a smoky haze. She wonders if this is normal -- if her fire affinity is just going to continue to spill over into everything in her life from now on.

_How easy it would be to just end it all though. Just flick your wrist and …_

"Selphie!" The concerned voice from somewhere behind her brings her back to the moment, and Edea is crouched over her. Selphie sees Matron's eyes flick over her face, and over to the charred wall. Her mouth purses. "What happened?" Cid, Squall, and Rinoa arrive then, and Selphie can see and feel and _taste_ the fear and concern coming off of them in waves.

"_Absum_," Selphie manages to mutter, even though it _hurts_, it physically _hurts_ to say the word, like she has to cut it out of her throat with a dull knife. Had it hurt him to say it?

It is so strange, she isn't emotionally pained by the rejection, because she hasn't ever been emotionally invested in _him_. It just … feels like she's missing a limb, in a very literal sense. It's such an odd feeling … she wonders how she'll function now that a part of her she didn't even know she _needed_ was gone.

Edea's eyes are wide now. "I wasn't even aware you _had_ a Knight, let alone one who would deny you," she says quietly.

Rinoa kneels down on Selphie's other side, and touches her softly. Between Edea's cooling, icy touch, and Rinoa's soothing, healing one, Selphie begins to feel better in mere moments.

"He thinks … I'm _her_," Selphie croaks out. Her throat is burning, and every word is agony.

Edea is puzzled for all of three seconds, it seems, before realization widens her dark eyes. "Ultimecia. Your Knight … is Seifer."

Rinoa audibly gasps, and she turns to look at Squall, who immediately takes off. After Seifer?

"No!" Selphie cries out, sitting up.

Squall stops and turns around. "Selphie, you have to let me get him back here," he says, his voice even, though she knows he's frustrated.

"I won't force him," Selphie says firmly.

She feels better now, the fire inside her is abating, somewhat. "Besides, it's not my choice any more, is it? _Absum_ means he's free … unless he changes his mind. I just don't understand, Matron. I thought there had to be some sort of … connection … between Sorceress and Knight. Seifer and I don't have one."

Edea smiles softly, and Selphie recognizes the expression as the nostalgic one she gets when she thinks of her children.

"We _did_?" Selphie asks incredulously. "I don't remember anything other than him always antagonizing Zell and Squall."

"Oh, it wasn't anything you'd call friendly or tolerant." Edea's voice is full of mirth. "You antagonized him right back, Selphie. You two fought _terribly, _all the time. It was enough to drive anyone insane. Always with the 'Matron, Seifer broke my crayons!' or 'Matron, Sefie stole the rest of my chocolate!'.Five minutes wouldn't pass without _one_ of you screaming at the other. "

"I do _not _remember that." Selphie blinks, and is happy to find that her vision has cleared. "Is that really enough, though?"

"It would seem that it is, if he's who your magic has chosen."

"But you all said it was twisted and weird … what if this is just another thing affected by it?"

Rinoa shook her head beside Selphie. "Fire, right? You said you feel fire -- Seifer's got an affinity for fire, too." She smiles, and Selphie knows she's trying to be reassuring, so she smiles back a little. "I don't understand what's going on any more than you do, Sefie. But I think this is … right."

_Oh, what do you know, stupid little girl with your stupid little fairy tale, you don't know anything, I AM fire, and I will destroy you all, purge this world and bring on the Apocalypse, watch me, watch me, you will burn …_

There's a scream then, she thinks it might be her own, and pain sears through Selphie's body before it all goes black around her.

~/~

When she wakes, nothing around her is familiar. She's not in her own room in the dorms, she's not in the infirmary … she's not even sure she's _in_ Garden any more. But no, she must be, because Dr. Kadowaki is here, smiling gently. "How are you feeling?" the doctor asks her when she notices that she's awake.

"I … I'm confused. What happened?" Selphie asks, sitting up, happy to find that she isn't weak or shaky or dizzy. "How long have I been here? And while we're at it, where is _here_?" Her mind feels clearer than it has since that day with Ellone's accident, when all this had started, but that didn't mean she wasn't confused.

Dr. Kadowaki just keeps smiling. "You've been here about a week-and-a-half. In and out of it most of the time. As for the _where_, well, it's not a good idea for me to tell you," she says apologetically. "Cid and Edea will be coming for you shortly. Just try to relax in the meantime, all right?"

Dr. K is out of the room before Selphie can open her mouth to say anything else, and she flops back against the pillows on her bed huffily. "That's just great," she mutters. It's then that she notices the gauze on her right arm, wrapped from her elbow all the way up around her fingers. What had she _done_?

She suddenly remembers, remembers fire shooting up out of her fingertips, fire she couldn't control. She'd fought them when they'd tried to drag her out of the burning hallway, and had gotten herself burned in the process. She could hear their shouts, the franticness in all their voices. She hadn't even heard them yelling then, but she could envision it perfectly now.

That _voice_. She'd heard it twice now. It sounded like her, but it _wasn't_ her, it was something dark, something twisted and bad, and it controlled her -- it made her do things, things that might get people _hurt_. Seifer had stopped her the first time, his voice had been like someone flipping on a light switch within her. The second time, he hadn't been there … and they hadn't been able to stop her before she'd set the hallway ablaze.

"Great. I'm a freaking firestarter," she mutters to herself sarcastically. "They've probably got me locked away somewhere, and I bet these walls are fireproof."

"No need for that," Edea's voice is here now, and Selphie finds that she can't look at her. Edea goes to her left side and holds up Selphie's arm.

"An Odine bangle?" Selphie manages to choke out. It's no wonder she feels better than she has in _days_. The Odine bangle has effectively locked the Sorceress magic away from her. But she can't deny the constant thrumming in the back of her brain, saying that it won't be contained for long, that the Odine bangle just isn't strong enough. It's as though the magic is simply locked behind a door in her mind, and sooner or later, it will find a way to break the door down.

"Is it … how bad is it?"

"It could be worse," Cid tells her. "Just the hallway, and mostly just aesthetic damage. None of the dorms were damaged heavily. A little smoke damage here and there, nothing that can't be fixed. We're more concerned about you, Selphie."

"I think … I need to get rid of these powers," she says softly. "Isn't there any way? I'm obviously not meant to have them."

She hopes she sounds convincing, because part of her worries that she _is_ meant to have them, that somebody has to carry on all the work left undone, now that Adel and Ultimecia are no longer. And it seems fitting that it should be her -- she was the one who had no Knight, the one who had powers that were too much to handle.

"We haven't found anyway to remove them from you safely," Edea tells her then. "You know firsthand what happened when we tried with Ellone. The powers just have a will of their own."

"We do think it would be best for you to leave Garden for awhile," Cid says then, and Selphie looks at him in astonishment. "Edea is going to take you to the old house. It's far enough away from …"

He doesn't have to finish, Selphie knows what he was going to say. _Far enough away from anyone you might hurt …_ They were going to banish her to Centra, until they could figure out what to do with her.

She blinks back tears and looks away from them, not wanting them to see how upset this news makes her. "So you're sending me away," she says flatly. "I'm being exiled."

"Selphie," Edea says softly. "If word were to get around about you, and your uncontrolled powers -- well. Do you remember what happened when Rinoa first got _her_ powers?"

Selphie just nods. Officials had come, and they had tried to lock Rinoa away in the Sorceress Memorial. Squall hadn't let that happen, though, he'd gotten her out of there. But Selphie doesn't _have_ anyone like that. Her Knight doesn't want her. And she wants to blame it all on Ultimecia, but she _can't_, because really … even without everything that had happened to them with that crazy bitch … would Seifer _ever_ have wanted her?

She understands now. Sending her to Centra is the _kindest_ thing anyone can do for her, considering this situation. "I get it," she says. "Will this be staying on?" she lifts up her left arm and gestures to the Odine bangle.

Edea nods. "Until you feel more in control. There's only one way to get it off, and that's with a key, which I will keep with me at all times, so you won't have to worry about that."

Selphie swallows hard. While the bangle is helping her … her mind is clearer, and she doesn't feel so full of rage at the moment … it still hurts. Like part of her is locked up, and it's beating against the rest of her, frantically trying to get out. It will be tiring, keeping the bracelet on. She needs to get her powers in check, and _fast_. But is it even possible, with no one to ground her? "When do we leave?" she finally asks.

"Soon," Cid says. "The sooner the better." He casts a glance at Edea, and Selphie can tell that they are communicating wordlessly. Sorceress/Knight benefit, of course. Selphie had only gotten a taste of it, herself … but it was powerful. There's something more going on here, she feels it, but she has no idea what it might be. Only that it pertains to her, and they're too afraid to say it out loud.

"Matron?" she asks, standing up.

"Yes, Selphie?"

"Is it possible -- I mean, could I _ever_ have a Knight, now that Seifer's rejected me? I mean, a _different _one?"

Edea's mouth is a firm, thin line. "The magic wants only one," she tells Selphie gently. "It does not make substitutions."

"But Ultimecia had two Knights," Selphie points out.

"Ultimecia was different, because of her power … she got to pick and choose and do whatever she wanted. She chose Seifer because he was _there_, no other reason than that. If Squall had been there, she would've taken him. It wouldn't have made Rinoa's bond with Squall any less real, though, because Rinoa's magic actually _did_ choose Squall. Just like _your_ magic actually chose Seifer. Do you understand?" Edea explains. "Ultimecia was a vulture, and an opportunist. She latched on, with no rhyme or reason, and dug her talons in, forcing a bond that was never supposed to be there. Her true Knight died long, long ago. Seifer was merely a pawn."

"He's never going to care about all that, though." Selphie shakes her head. "He thinks I'm like her, that I want to use him."

"Let him know that you won't," Cid says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world.

"Excuse me?" Selphie blinks.

"Just because he absconded from you, doesn't mean he broke the bond," Cid continues. "The bond is everlasting, till one of you is dead. He can still hear you, even though it isn't quite the same as when the bond is fully intact. And if you search, you can still hear _him_."

She wonders -- if she could just _talk _to him, in person, away from everyone and everything else -- would he actually listen to her, then?

Closing her eyes and focusing inward, she sends out a plea. She can only pray that her will is strong enough to compel him, with just three simple words.

_Centra. Orphanage. Please._


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Yeah, I know. TWO updates in twenty-four hours. What is the world coming to? Well, I thought it was high time we heard from Seifer in all of this, so that's what this chapter is -- Seifer's thoughts, feelings, and issues that have brought him to this point. Hope you like it ... Post-Ultimecia!Seifer's head is a very scary place to spend too much time in. ;)**

_**Chapter Five**_

He is tired -- gods-damned tired, and there's no end in sight. Ever since he'd uttered that word -- _Absum_ -- he's felt nothing but pain. He can't stop driving -- he _won't_. Not till he's far, far away from Balamb. Far away from the accusing eyes, and the terror-filled hallways of that godsforsaken place.

He's had a headache for days now, a wretched burning behind his eyes, and no matter what he does, it's still there. He feels like he's seeing things through a thin veil of smoke, and no matter how many times he blinks, or uses eye drops -- it just doesn't matter. He can taste the acrid burning in his mouth, and it won't go away.

The world is on fire all around him, and it might just be his own goddamn fault.

It takes all his strength just to keep driving, to keep himself moving _away. _He feels like he's connected to one of those bungee cords, and that at any second, it might snap back and send him reeling.

_Goddamnit it hurts_. _The books never said anything about it _hurting _this much. Shit. Can't fucking breathe …_

_Why_ the fuck can't he just forget about her? Why the hell does he actually feel _bad_ about what he did to the little bitch? Wasn't _Absum_ supposed to release him from all this?

_Absum_. The act of revoking your Knightly duties. Seifer had taken that at face-value when he'd read it in one of his books, to mean that all he had to do was _say_ that word, and he'd be free of all this bullshit.

He should know better. Fate just _loves _making him bend over and take it. And the Sorceress seems to be Fate's favorite tool to use against him.

Sorceress. The word makes him sick to his stomach. A Sorceress cannot be trusted, no matter what. A Sorceress only wants to use you for her own good, and then leave you with _nothing_ when all's said and done.

Fuck that. He'd been there, done that, and lost almost everything in the process. He was never doing it again, and he sure as hell wasn't doing it for _her_.

He remembers all too well, the feeling of being controlled by Her. Her voice in his head, telling him what to do, quelling all of his own thoughts, fears, needs. He'd never particularly _liked_ Leonhart and those other pansies, but he hadn't wanted to _kill _them. He never wanted to kill or hurt _anyone_.

But _She _had made him want to. She had filled him with rage, with despair, until he was nothing but a nihilistic shell of the person he used to be. She'd hollowed out his insides, and burrowed Herself in, like a parasite. And the worst part of it all was that the _real_ him had been able to see it and experience it all happening -- but he'd been powerless to stop Her.

She had bound him to her so tight, it was almost as though they were one mind, one being. He hated that. He never wanted to feel that ever again. Because of Her, he'd almost destroyed the only home he'd ever had, and he'd nearly lost the only people who had ever truly cared about him.

The first time he'd heard the call summoning him back to Balamb, he hadn't known what to think. The force behind it hadn't been malevolent, it didn't _feel_ like Her. At first he'd thought it was one of those freaky psychic episodes, like on the shows Raijin always watched on TV. Like how when someone you cared about was in trouble, you just _knew. _And that had made him think that either Fujin or Raijin had been in trouble, so he had hurried back.

His mouth is in a firm line now, as he thinks back on the day he arrived back at Garden. The little Messenger Girl had run out to meet him, and as soon as he had looked at her, he had _known_. He'd felt the familiar stirring of energy, the ripples across his skin. And it had scared him to death. He hadn't had a _choice_. It was _Absum_ or madness for him.

He knows beyond all doubt that he can't do it again. His mind won't survive it, he can't lose himself again like that. It's a fucking weakness, and he hates it about himself, but he _knows_. He's just not strong enough to withstand Her taking over him again.

She had told him that all Sorceresses were like Her, no matter what they might say or do. They were all vulnerable, all apt to let the darkness take over. And he had seen that firsthand. Adel, Edea, Rinoa -- they'd all flipped their shit and done some seriously, seriously warped stuff with their Sorceress magic.

Seifer Almasy is not a nice guy -- he isn't even really a _good _guy, when you get right down to it. But he also isn't _evil_. And he doesn't want to align himself with anyone that is -- not ever again.

It's raining now, and harder and harder for him to see the road he's on. He pulls over to the side and rests his head on the steering wheel, trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn't even really know where he should go now. Is there _any_ place where She can't touch him?

_Centra. Orphanage. Please._

He doesn't know where the words are coming from, but they feel soothing, welcoming. It's not like before, not like when She had been calling out to him in his mind. This is the _opposite _of Sorceress, he realizes, the opposite of _anything_ he's felt before -- whatever's summoning him now, whatever's waiting, it's something _good_.

It's a siren call to him, and he's suddenly filled with a sense of tranquility, the likes of which he has never felt before. It occurs to him that that's the _only _place he can go and be safe from it all. Once he gets to Edea's, he'll be able to rest at last, and the burning will stop, he's sure of it.

And the burning has to stop. The world is on fire, it's burning to the ground; he can feel it, smell it, taste it. But whatever's waiting for him in Centra will extinguish the fire, and maybe, maybe, at last he'll get some peace.

Without so much as a second thought, he puts his car back in gear, pulls a U-ey, and heads in the direction of the orphanage. Almost immediately, he feels the pain that's been wracking his body for the past week begin to subside, and he thinks to himself that he's won.

_Fuck you, bitch. I won't be part of your games any more. Absum, baby. I am free._


End file.
